Let's say you're on the verge of death, you're covered in blood. You cannot cast any magic, and there's a rat with sharp, bloody teeth and one very large testicle.

You don't have any clothes on and it's almost completely dark in the cave so you're not so sensitive about your little shmeckle hangin' out. The rat is charging at you and you are scared he's just gonna chomp off little Jimmy. What do you do?

This seems more relevant to New Jersey than Skyrim

Orsen...not you again...SECURITY!

Sounds like a gambian pack rat and what ever it took to keep the jewels is what would happen.Incudeing bitting him first.

As a native of the Garden State I can say that I have never seen a wild rat in my life. Plenty of deer and black bears (in my garage once), but never a rat.

Wait, I thought it was me and the rat teaming up against a giant, evil testicle.

I kept the rat testicle, I'd like to see security take me down.

They are called Skeevers in Skyrim. Can't have an enemy with a puny name like "Rat" in Skyrim!

I lock the inappropriate and off topic thread and call it done. Then if the little spammer comes back with another inappropriate and off topic thread I bite his get out my nice shiny spiked banhammer.