Hi guys haven't tied my luck at a fanfic in a while BE WARNED there may be a lack of R's on words that key is being a [censored] on my keyboard and i have to press it really had so sometimes i miss it but i will actively spell check and please constuctive citicism is much appeciated

There will be evident flaws as im not a vey good writer but ya know you can always try

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The night air was crisp and fresh. The sound of celebration could be heard from around the center of Megaton. The boots and heels of Shaun and Sarah Warner clanked on Megaton's metal walkways as they walked toward their newly purchased house. As Shaun opened the door and motioned Sarah inside

"Congratulations the to the newly wed couple!" A mister handy floated in the doorway holding a bottle of old champaign and two glasses

"Not now thank you" Sarah spoke in a hushed voice as she stared into Shaun's eye's

"As you wish Madam" The mister handy floated away into the storage room, the two almost thought they could hear the mister handy grumble as he went away.

"So how does it feel to be a Warner now?" Shaun smiled as he picked up Sarah, he brushed her perfectly combed blonde hair over her ear. After years of ups and downs on whether the two would be together or just be fiends they finally came to the realization that they loved each other, their eye's alway shined brightest when together, it was the true romantic and passionate love you would always see in the movies. But this time it was real.

"I couldn't be happier" She smiled as her new husband carried he upstairs. Shaun had dark black hair and had some slight muscle, Hadley the most attractive man in Megaton but yet Sarah chose him. Sarah was, in Shaun's eye's the most attractive woman in Megaton. Her blonde hair which highlighted her dark blue eye's was always perfectly combed, she was slender with an amazing personality to match, who'd of ever thought someone like her could be found in the wasteland.

Reaching the bedroom, which was lit only by firelight courtesy of the Mister Handy Shaun placed his wife on the bed and kissed her

"you know, about a year ago i always thought i was going to die alone. No other girl in the entire wasteland would ever match up to you and i thought i had lost you but look at us now its our wedding night, I love you Sarah" These words came from his heart and she knew it too

"I love you too" A tear of happiness streaked down her cheek

"There is one wedding vow i didn't take at the alter, Sarah I would walk though oblivion for you and not stop until i got you back." The two passionately kissed as the celebration outside died down and they slowly laid down on the bed together.

The morning after sun crept though the window of the bedroom, Sarah was awake with her man's arm around her, she smiled to no one but herself she couldn't be happier than she was right now. Slipping out of the bed she walked down the stairs. Her feet where somewhat cold on the metal, the two where saving up for some form of fabric to cover the floor, it would take a while but would be worth it. Sarah pulled a food sanitizer of the shelf, it was a wedding present from Moira Brown a strange woman to say the least but her heart was in the right place. The Sanitizer was in excellent condition it would sanitize food and water so that they where practically non lethal in radiation levels. Sarah dropped two eggs into the sanitizer and as she did and explosion blew the door of the house clean off. Sarah pulled the table over and ducked behind it as More explosions shook Megaton

"Intruders!" The mister handy bellowed as it began spinning the saw on one of its arms, as it moved toward the door the crack of a shotgun could be heard over other gunfire which sent the now buckshot filled Mister Handy tumbling back wards. Two men entered the house

"Grab the girl" one of them shouted though what looked like an old gas mask. The other man kicked the table out of the way and grabbed Sarah by both ams

"Sarah! get of her!" Shaun had leapt down most of the steps and followed up by punching the man who had Sarah in the face, but the man was un phased and returned the favor to Shaun which knocked him to the floor

"She's ours now boy" The man with the gas mask pulled out a 44. Magnum clicking a round into place, he fired one shot into Shaun's gut, He started to black out and as he did the only thing he could hear was Sarah's screams.

"I love you" Sarah said, it echoed he could see her smiling her gorgeous eye's looked at him, then everything went white

Big heavy metal boots pounded along Megaton's walkways followed by the town's doctor, the boots stepped though the threshold to the Warner's house hold

"There he is doc you gotta save him man!" The doctor got to work on Shaun's gunshot wound

"He's lucky it didn't go right though him, I mean [censored] its a 44." The doctor pulled the magnum round out of Shaun's bleeding gut

"He'd be a goner if this had gone though let me give him a stim pack" The doctor injected a stim pack near the wound and bandaged it up

"Thats all i can do Ive got others to help stay with him he should wake up in a bit, stay with him" As the doctor left the man in the boots walked over to the no longer working Mister Handy and pulled its data chip out. The Warner's had an old computer so he booted it up and inserted the chip, a video playback came onto the screen, the mister handy had recorded everything up to when Sarah was dragged out the door screaming, then the play back terminated. The man ran a metal gloved hand though his hair as sorrow, anger and hate raged though him

"Sarah..." Shaun started to come around

"Sarah no they took her! get off her" The man pinned Shaun's shoulders to the ground as he started to beak down crying

"Shaun, Shaun! its Craig man calm down!" Shaun relaxed enough to she a big power armored man holding him down

"I have to go after her! let go of me!" Craig allowed him to get up, Shaun looked at him, Craig had blonde hair about ear length and was a big lad. He was ex Brotherhood and one of Shaun's best friends. Craig spoke as Shaun started putting on some old leather Armour

"It was slaver's Shaun, as soon as the explosions stated going off i geared up and tried to make my way here but i was too late, i didn't get here in time to help you I'm sorry" Craig had a gruff voice, but there was deep sorrow in it, he felt bad for letting his friends down

"Its not you fault, you not the one who is supposed to look after her I am!" He was angry and dissapointed with himself

"Don't try and stop me, if i die tying to get he back then so be it but i am not abandoning her!" Shaun went to Storm out the door, but Craig stopped him

"I won't stop you, I'm coming with you but come with me, we need guns" Craig led the way back to his house, it was much in design with the est of the Megaton house's. Craig opened a chest in his house which had a few guns in it, when he left the brotherhood he neglected to tell them about the power amour or weapons he took. Shaun picked up an old http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Assault_carbine and a 10mm SMG with as much ammo he could physically carry in his pack, Craig also took an assault carbine

"Lets got we have to catch up"

"Hold on i need Amy" Craig bounded up the steps and came back down with a missile launcher with 'Amy' stylishly painted on the side

"Now we can go"

Walking though the town the destruction was clear smoke and fire raged

"Hey where are you two going?" Simmons appeared out of nowhere

"I'm going to get my wife back" The two just kept walking past

"She's gone man! you'll never find her!" Simmons shouted after them

At the font of the gate D.C's wasteland stretched before them

"Hey, what way did they take everyone" Shaun asked the guard up high above the gate

"Out west toward Bigtown" Shaun nodded

"You ready for this? its gonna be rough" As Craig asked Shaun pulled the charging handle on the rifle he had

"I told that girl I'd walk though oblivion for her and I'm not going back on that".

Anyone? no citcism at all? is it that bad?

Wow. Wow. Relax. It's not bad at all. I'll offer some criticism in a moment. Don't worry, it's a good read. I just like focusing on the newbies first.

Its cool i just thought cause no one posted it was incedibly bad :/ i should eally stop citicising my self

You should give at least 24 hours then come back to it and if no-one has written anything that doesn't mean it's bad. I'll throw in some feedback later, just busy at work atm.

Ok, so I've just had a read through this and the main thing that really stands out is the grammar. You need to look into the use of comma's and semi colons (a problem I also have to work on). It's mainly things like 'i''s not being a capital when by themselves or those last few lines of dialogue where there isn't a comma or full stop. It just breaks flow and doesn't let you immerse yourself in the chapter. Also, to be honest, I'm not to fond of the title drop, I know it was only used twice but it just seemed a little forced to me. Maybe also have a look into being a little more descriptive, mainly with the characters but it's mainly just the grammar issue's that are getting in the way.

Keep working on it and you'll get there.

Don't really want to echo what's been said above, but you do need to capitalize and punctuate your sentences. Your sentence structure was flawed, but that's something that will become more natural the more you write.

Why in the [censored] does everyone need to have a .44 Magnum? Every fanfic, every RP, everywhere! Jeez ppl. I cant imagine how you wrote like that unless you were rushing, because I've seen your warren posts.

Either way ignore my Magnum rant and continue writing.

You can't use an apostraphe like that
:P

Anyway, I'll give this story a little read in some time. Haven't been in these parts in some time.

I will say this; We don't get many Fallout romances so for that reason alone this piece stands out.

I do find it somewhat unbelievable that Sarah would scream "I love you" as she's being carted away by raiders. She's a wastelander isn't she? Shouldn't she be cursing and spitting and fighting? Women can be surprisingly tough, especially FO women. They really aren't the princess types Disney would have us believe they are. Just keep it in mind as you develop your characters.

That was meant to be when he was blacked out/unconcious so it was just his imagination, guess i didnt make that clear, i do plan to go back ove it i think i did rush it a bit and for that same reason i agree with Aussie_Made about the title and the lines it relates to, because i was unning out of time when i posted i still hadn't come up wiith a title is there anyway i can change that now?

Thanks Guys

Mines has romance aspects! (defensively)

PM a moderator, ask him to change the title to: write what you want.

It has been a while since a post has been made in this thread so I hope this doesn't count as necroing.

Punctuation and grammar are the first things I notice. These need some improvement, it would make a far better read.

Secondly, but not as important as the grammar and punctuation, is spacing.

Luckily you have avoided a wall of text, and have some spacing. But to me it is unlogical in some places.

That aside, an interesting read and I hope an update will follow.