Nevada Area 51 October 23rd 2077

Major Alan Roe had finally fallen asleep after 5 hours of just laying there in his cot. Then the alarm siren started going off, so he sat up and his left eye began twitching. Alan stood up and limped to his desk, opened it and pulled out his Apollo laser pistol, then strapped it to his belt. He began walking out the door and turned left down corridor 8. When the Major reached the main hall he noticed the Captain wasn't around. The ground started shaking and dust fell from the ceiling. After it stopped he continued walking he heard the elevator beside him ticking, and noticed that it was coming down. Alan stopped in place and stood straight with his hand behind his back, but then realized it was faster than before. The elevator hit the ground and the doors burst open sending shrapnel towards the inhabitants of the underground bunker.
Alan turned and watched the television trying to find out what was going on, then static... it just stopped. He tried there radio but it to was only static. Then he noticed another screen, of a satellite orbiting earth that was zoomed in around there area. Mushroom clouds were all over the place.
His mouth dropped in disbelief and terror. Tears began streaming down his face. Behind him was another alarm going off, meaning they too were launching missiles.

Nevada Area 51 June 12 2277

Jones was staring at the new paint on his Advanced power armor Mk 7, showing that he was now a corporal. Then he sat down at his terminal and began putting in his three passwords. Then went to the information on the new weapons they started using, "Star beam" laser pistol and "Star fire" laser rifle. They still use energy and microfusion cells. They designed it after getting alien technology and learning from them. Both lasers have blue beams that will burn through just about anything that has been used in the wastes. Only a few things managed to not get beat, the vertibird. It would eventually be destroyed but not as fast as a missiles, or a mini nuke.
Then he moved on to the armor files. It was fitted with cloaking, full HUD, and would inject a stimpack into the wearer if his heart rate fell to low. It even prevented the person from getting to hot or cold and used less energy than any other. But it was VERY heavy. Around 80 lbs. But it didn't feel that heavy inside the armor.
Jones was about to go onto some files on the enclave and there equipment, but his wife, Dessi walked in through the door. In a panic of not wanting her to see classified information, he punched through the terminal. Then closed his eyes tightly and held the bridge of his nose.

Dessi- I'm going to go meet with some friends.
Jones- Yeah? ok.

After she walked out of there room he began laughing. The kind of laugh you do when something so ridiculous happens to you that your not sure how else to react.
A few minutes later his door opened again, he was maintaining his weapons, do to the fact his terminal no longer worked. It was his sergeant.

SGT- The capta?

He was now staring at the terminal with the hole in the screen.

SGT- captain wants to see us in the briefing room in two hours.

The sergeant turned in a 180 and walked away.Jones put his hands against his face and shook his head, then continued the maintenance.



If its good then let me know and i will continue. Any feedback appreciated.

Well, it's kind of hard to read.
A lot of grammatica mistakes, and I couldn't quite follow.

examples:




Maybe you could type it like this:

Alan stood up and limped to his desk. He opened it and pulled out his Apollo laser pistol, then strapped it to his belt.








how about:

Jones was staring at the new paint on his Advanced power armor Mk 7. It took a while, but he finally got the promotion to corporal.
He sat down at his terminal and began entering his three passwords.



Did he actually punch through the terminal???


more questions like this remain. Try to sketch the situation and the environment.

Now why would someone actually punch the terminal why not just turn it off or stand in front of it so they couldn't see

Maybe he is a bad ass, invicible, super strong soldier?

He didnt punch through the whole teminal, just the glass. He didnt just turn it off because there wasnt realy much time to think, he was panicking that she would see to much. I wouldnt call him a "bad ass, invicible, super strong soldier". But i guess he could be. Other than those errors should i continue?

Well, when I write my story, I usually end up taking over two hours of writing for just one chapter.
And then I allready know what I'm going to write.

If you continue writing, you should go over the text once every alinea or something.
Directly edit out the mistakes and continue. maybe that will work better.


And maybe you could edit your original text first, to get a better grip on the story and the context of it.
(Try to decide who Jones exactly is, write it down on a piece of paper or something.)

Ok, ill try again. Hopefully it will be better.


After about an hour Jones got bored. He had finished cleaning his equipment twice and was staring at the ceiling for half that time. He got up then grabbed his weapons and ammo, then put them in their chargers on his armor. Then walked out and turned towards the briefing room.
Jones arrived at the hangar and saw an Aurora V 10. There were scientists working around the area with "Majestic 12" on the back of there outfit. After walking through the hanger and multiple corridors, Jones reach the lab areas. There were airtight beds with alien creatures inside them, and more people from M12 were monitoring them. Then there were containment fields with live creatures in it, like radscorpions, super mutants and feral ghouls. After another turn he saw a lot of ships around. Some were round, others triangular. One looked like a sun.
Eventually he reached the briefing room. So he sat down and waited the remaining time. His squad showed up, and so did two others. Then a few minutes later so did the captain.
The captain was around 5 and a half feet tall, and maybe 150 to 180 lbs. He was bald with a small scruffy graying beard.

Captain- There was a sighting of some new aircraft crash site close to the end of the Cheshire Airstrip. I sent a scout out and the reported some signal coming from it. And when the got closer to it, the spotted the enclave. They already occupied it. They said there were around three tents and a single stone structure, probably the HQ there. They also spotted deathclaw cages and eyebots scouting the perimeter. I'm sending you in to kill all the enclave, then radio back and ill send something to go pick everything up. You will go immediately, we have no idea how long they've been there so we cant take a chance on them leaving.

Everyone stood up, saluted the captain then headed for the elevator to deploy. The whole time up Jones was checking his weapons to make sure everything was in working order. The reached the top then left the bunker. They all started walking towards were the enclave had set camp. Moving slowly so they would draw to much attention. It was night time and they were going to take full advantage of it.
When the arrived they had there cloaks on and were crouched. The group was watching them trying to get a perfect time to strike.


LT- Everyone ready.

Jones- Yeah, lets tear down there blue skies.



Again any feedback appreciated.