According to my therapist, I should open up more to what's happened, although needless to say, I am weary to do so at times not just for fear of judgment -although there's that, but it simply transcends what words could do to explain it in any justice.
Once, on our way out of the camp (which is a couple of square kliks large, population 30,000) I noted a young girl -age four roughly, nursing an infant with a water bottle by the side of a tent. Sitting in the passengers seat, I had far too much time to reflect on them, thinking if ever we were to stop for anyone and provide medical aid, it ought to be for them. But that close to the camps edges is the most dangerous to be -read: lawless, so that didn't happen.
It bugged me for the whole time we were out, and on the way back in I made sure I was driving so as to see the same side of the road. Sure enough, in near enough the same place as before was the little girl holding the infant. This time we stopped. I got out, rifle slung but holster unclipped and ready because Justin Case is your best friend in those times, and walked over to the girl.
They were both dead, the infant more so, the girl maybe only a day dead.
Spoiler the flies had already eaten her eyes out. The infant was something I can't ever forget.
I'll be the first to admit, I've seen too much and I'm paying for it. Just trying to keep it so that it doesn't influence my son, or how I'm raising him <-- the real reason I'm seeing the therapist actually, to make sure my perceived "straight and narrow" actually is that, and not some twisted-trauma inducing [censored]. Cuz if I ever felt I was slipping too far -stopped taking my medication, started going wacko yadda, yadda etc, I'd give him over to dutch child services in a heart beat. Thankfully, I'm doing pretty good.
This place, and you people, can take a lot of credit for that -the me doing good bit, not the me wacko bit..