Hey guys, can you tell me what you think of this roleplay story? (btw his name is pronunced Mike-Hell Dev-sun) Tell me if you guys see any grammer errors and i'll fix them but anyways please read and give me your feedback............prepare to cry.

His name is Mikel Devson and his story is one of tragedy and loss. Mikel Devson was born in Skyrim but he grew up in Cryodiil, when he moved to Cryodiil he was 7 years old and still learning to hunt like his mother. His mother Karthia Devson did indeed hunt and Mikel dreamed one day he could hunt with her. Mikel’s father did not get to see the birth of his child for he was serving for the imperials at the time of his son’s birth. Mikel did wonder who his father was, but he did not let the fact of not having a father get in the way of his life. Mikel did know some things about his father, but only little things his mother has told him. Karthia told Mikel that he was a very skilled imperial solder, handsome, and fought for the empire with pride. Mikel was happy that his father was an imperial and he wished that one day when he grew up he would get to see him. Mikel’s first hunt with his mother happened when he was 17 years of age and was ready to hunt his first animal. Mikel knew nothing about hunting, but his mother knew everything about finding and killing an animal. Karthia told Mikel something that he would never forget and I quote “You must strike quick and smart, but do only so with reason”. Mikel knew what it meant it meant that you must never kill any living thing without a reason. He knew that his mother meant what she said for she only hunts when they are out of food or supplies. Before Mikel started his first hunt Karthia trained him to be stealthy and to keep his eyes open and focused. Mikel’s training only lasted for 1 year, his mother was proud that he learned so fast. Within 2 more months Mikel had become an even better hunter than his mother. Mikel also showed signs of a skilled warrior; his mother said to him “You have your father’s genes”. When he turned 19 years old, the time for his first hunt had finally come. Karthia sent her son out alone to hunt for it was a tradition to do so. Mikel was supposed to bring home an elk to sell it, but instead he came back dragging 2 elks and 3 wolf hides on a wagon. His mother was stunned and thought he was just showing off, they had a great feast that day….but the joy of a happy life did not last long. One day while Karthia was out hunting an extremely sick wolf came up behind her and bit her on the arm. Karthia stabbed in with her dagger many times eager to get it off, when she killed in she looked at her wound as it started to burn more and more. After 5 minutes the wound began to burn as if Akatosh himself came down and breathed his fire upon her. Mikel waited for several hours as his mother suffered lying on the ground dyeing slowly and painfully. Soon enough Mikel thought the worst had happened to his mother and indeed something terrible had happened. The wolf that bit Karthia was cursed by a lesser daedra for biting the daedra, Mikel began running through the forest looking for his mother. That’s when he heard a terrible scream and that scream was his mother suffering in pain. When he found her she was not the same her skin turned pale, her eyes blackened and her bones breaking….she was turning into a lesser daedra. Mikel watched in horror as her mother faded away and a daedra took over her body, but Karthia was still here with her son for the moment. Mikel fell on his knees and began to cry, he was heartbroken for he knew what was happening. He screamed to the Aedra pleading for them to save his mother, but they did not answer his plead. Mikel began to cry even harder and even more heartbroken that his mother was disappearing. Until…his mother said something…a simple whisper that would change Tamriel as we know it. Mikel leaned in closer to hear her soft painful whisper…..” Your father…died in skyrim……and he loved you so very much but you must……do me a favor…..do your mother a favor….go to skyrim….honor your father and me…..for I know you will do great things……but before you…….go…..take this dagger and place it into my heart…..it is already broken that I must……see you this way…..so…..no harm is done to me my child……do as I say…….and Akatosh will……reward you……”. Mikel looked at his mother for one last time….hearing the

words from her dyeing whisper....he did as she said, he placed the dagger in her broken heart and cried……he cried so long…..but things will get better………in his home…………in skyrim.

can you format your OP a little better?

as of this moment it is just a wall of text, which can give people headaches trying to read, so you would likely get more responses by formatting it a little better..

Like me, I read a couple of lines and gave up. Breaking it up into paragraphs would make it much easier to consider.

I agree with the above. That seriously made my head hurt. Add some paragraphs and make the text a little smaller.

Edit: Alright, I made it through. That was an interesting read. One thing I found odd though. Why did he have to wait so long to hunt? Some folks start off very young. Other than that, it was good.

I agree with the above, very original I guess, daedric wolves.

Way too many sentences start with "Mikel."

Need to use other words to refer to him, like "he" for instance.

Also, structure your sentences and paragraphs(when you add them) so the reader knows you are referring to Mikel, without mentioning him in every sentence.