» Fri May 27, 2011 8:45 am
Well, this looks like fun. Now, as much as I'm tempted to just pick my first and favorite fluffball, I shan't. At least, not now.
Everybody, say hello to Kardryar Aesarius, my current PC Oblivion character, only Necromancer, and general thorn in society's ass.
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Lukias grumbled as he made his way towards the prison cell to grab the prisoner for interrogation. The man was, in a phrase, an obnoxious son of a [censored], and the tired Legion soldier didn't want to deal with his crap today. Approaching the cell, he unlocked it without looking up.
"Listen, Necromancer. Some people from the Mage's Guild want to talk to you, so let's just keep this civil and.. Oh, Gods, what the hell are these?!" Though he really should have expected such a thing from what he knew of the man, being confronted by four rats in various stages of decay was disturbing enough to make him yell. The prisoner looked down from his perch in the windowsill of the cell's bar window and smiled a little, hands folded so that the black, clawlike nails looked almost like a venus fly trap. None of this seemed to be taken as abnormal by the white-haired, gaunt man.
"Oh, those? I got lonely, there were dead rats, so I reanimated them. That's Joey, Sammy, Benny and Ricardo. Ricardo's the smallest one." He explained sagely, pointing to each one in turn. Lukias stomped on all of them in turn, save for Ricardo, who scrambled away into a small hole in the wall. The man in the window jumped down and crossed his arms. "That was cruel and entirely unnecessary. Now what in the name of Azura's ass does the Mage's Guild want with little ol' me, hm? I've told them a thousand times, I don't work corners anymore. And even if I did, I'm not in the Guild anymore, so it's none of their business."
"Shut up, freak." Lukias snapped, annoyed already.
"Hey, that's not very nice. I'll have to tell your mother how you talk when I see her next." The pale man complained, knitting his eyebrows together and looking offended. "She won't be happy with you."
"Gods damn, shut up before I hurt you. Just follow me." The guard growled. He was tired of this already.
Behind him, the man shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. After a moment, he muttered to himself. "Oh, nevermind. That was Jesse that ran off." He muttered, then tapped Lukias on the shoulder. "Sorry about that. This is Ricardo. Say hi to the big, smelly soldier, Ricardo."
Lukias turned, then recoiled at the tiny, undead rat in the man's hand, which screeched in his face. "Agh, get it away from me!" He yelled, slapping the rat out of the prisoner's hand. It hit the wall, bounced off, then scurried away. The prisoner hung his head.
"Aw.. I liked Ricardo."
Lukias could think of nothing to say that would properly express what he felt, so he just turned red in the face and sputtered expletives, grabbed the Necromancer by his long white hair and dragged him along by it to the room he was to deliver him to. Upon arriving, he literally threw him into the room and slammed the door. Behind him, the Necromancer heard swearing even as the guard left. At a table a few feet away, Raminus Polus sat, looking bemused.
"Oh, grand. You're the person they wanted me to ask for help about the Necromancer problem? Gods, I'd rather spend an intimate night alone with zombie.." The robed mage muttered.
"I can arrange that, if you like. The one that tends my alchemy lab has been getting lonely." The Breton replied casually, dusting himself off.
"Just shut up and sit down, Kardryar." Polus sighed, leaning his face in his hand.
"Whatever you say, sweetheart." Kardryar shrugged, sitting down opposite Raminus. He leaned over, elbows on the table, resting his chin daintily on his interlocked hands. "So, some of my people are giving you trouble, eh? What'd they do this time, steal a box of kittens? Piss on your daffodils? Sleep with your wife? I mean, there's plenty of kitties, flowers and women for all of us, right? What's the fuss?"
Raminus growled. There were few people he hated in this world, but Kardryar was one of them. Why Traven would want to consort with him was beyond his comprehension. "This is serious, Necromancer. We need information on the King of Worms."
Kardryar perked up. "Oh, Manniwhatsisface? I haven't seen him in years. I think he settled down somewhere to reanimate a family. Whatcha need to know and why?"
Finally, I might be getting somewhere. At least he's paying attention this time. Polus thought, recalling what the young, noble-born Breton had been like when he'd first come to the Guild years ago. In all sad honesty, he hadn't changed much. He still played pranks, ignored almost everything he didn't want to hear and acted like an immature little child. He was a disgrace, even by Necromancer terms. With a sigh, he fed Kardryar the line he was given to ask.
"We need to know about what the others of your kind are up to. Any rumors you've heard, anything suspicious you've seen, the works."
"How come?" The Necromancer asked, raising an eyebrow.
"It's.. a matter of personal interest to the Archmage." Polus said, being careful not to reveal anything. Kardryar laughed.
"Oh, oh, okay. I get it. You say 'need' but you mean 'want.' Well.." Kardryar put a finger to his chin and made a thoughtful hum. "I really need a mansion, about two million gold, the deed to your house and a good trophy wife. Think you can help?"
Raminus closed his eyes and sighed. "I can get you let out of here if you help us."
"Hey, now there's the spirit!" Kardryar perked up. "Bribe me, kiss my tush and hope I'll cave. Awesome. I always knew that not killing you would pay off one day."
"Can you help or not, Kard. I don't have time for your tomfoolery."
"I don't think Tom would like it that you call him a fool behind his back." Kard started to quip, but got a hard glare. "..Yeah, okay. Fine, Magey McSeriouspants. I'll tell you everything I know, but only once you follow through with your end."
"Fair enough." Raminus conceded after a moment's thought. Twenty minutes and one official pardon later, the Necromancer stood out in the sunlight, his oddly posh black and red attire and copious amounts of jewelry adorning his frail looking body once more. "Okay, Kardryar. I followed through, now you tell me what you know."
Kardryar cracked a funny grin and shrugged. "I don't know a damn thing, though."
Raminus's face became a picture of rage and he grabbed the pale man, shoving him against the stone wall of the prison compound. "What the hell do you mean you don't know anything? You said you did."
"I did no such thing. I said I'd tell you all I knew, and that's nothing. What in our past suggested I could be trusted, eh, Raminus, old boy? You can only blame yourself for not making sure I actually knew something, really." Kardryar explained calmly, shrugged as best he could in his position. "Now, can I go, or do I need to beat you up and take your milk money?"
"You son of a [censored]! You.. You worthless cretin! You lying sack of crap! You-"
"..illegitimate son of a cow. I know, I know." Kard finished for him. "I get it, you're angry. However, I have things to do, so I bid you farewell, sir. Why don't you stop by for tea sometime, eh? I promise I won't put whiskey in it this time."
"Bid me farewell?" Raminus laughed, "What're you playing at? I could kill you, you know."
"Aye, you could. And I could do this." Kardryar said coolly, his hand shooting up and poking the mage in the eyes. Dropping the Necromancer, Raminus swore and stumbled backwards, holding his face. By the time he had recovered, he looked over to see Kardryar give him a quick salute, touch an enchanted ring on his hand and vanish, recalling back to his underground home gods-knew-where. Shaking his head in disbelief and anger while rubbing his eyes, Raminus leaned against the wall.
"I am never going to hear the end of this."
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A bit long, but I got an idea halfway through and ran with it. That kinda what yeh were looking for?