The moon shown at it's full intensity that night, causing a ghastly effect as light glanced off of the cobblestone streets of the Imperial City. Though the city was surely asleep, in comparison to its daily activity, there were still men and women going about their shady affairs. Some had valiant intentions, meeting with the watch to turn in criminals, while many more had dark intentions such as theft and murder. The darkness was deep in the city's heart that night, the townspeople could feel it creeping up on their minds.

Among them stood a man who had not once visited this city in prior days of his life. He was clothed normally, in fact, even his presence felt normal. However, there was a strange glow about the tattoo positioned on his cheek. It was as if it could entrance those who stopped to glance at it. Such an eerie glow surely could not have gone unnoticed, but it did. Such a man should have the greatest intentions for visiting the Talos Plaza District, but he didn't. In fact, this illusion was all part of his plan.

There were plenty of witnesses to his being there, he even spoke to a few passing gentlemen. They all spoke to him plainly, as if he was one of their own, because this young imperial man surely looked the part. He looked perfectly normal, except for that tattoo, that constantly glowing tattoo. Still, the men paid no attention to it, as his questions were perfectly normal. "Where is the nearest Inn?" He asked one man. "How may I best leave the city at dawn?" He asked another.

When the figure made his way towards the Tiber Septim Hotel, no one gave him a second thought. The woman who stood at the counter saw nothing wrong with the man, in fact Augusta Calidia, found the individual rather enchanting when he spoke to her. It was obvious she admired his looks when she blushed, her eyes tracing his chest inconspicously. "No, sir, I'm sorry we are out of rooms for the night..." She responded to his inquiry, biting her lip. "However, my room has an extra couch in it, good sir. I was just about to turn in...if you pay the usual rent fee I could allow you to stay there."

"Ah, you are a gracious host, Miss Calidia." The man said with a charming smile. "I would pay you twice the rent, being that the couch I will be staying on is your own property."

"Oh, no need, Mr...?" Augusta hinted towards an inquiry at his name, but when he did not take the bait she continued to press for it. "What is your name, sir?"

"I don't have a common name, Miss." The man said, his friendly smile turning into a devilish grin. "But, you can call me Sithis, for all intensive purposes."

Augusta's eyes grew wide and she attempted to scream, but before the sound could leave her mouth his hand was covering it. The scream came out muffled, just barely audible over the fluttering of the papers which were expelled from their place on her desk. She struggled to pull away from his hand, but he had an iron grip on her cheekbones. Soon she saw a flash of steel, surely a blade.

Her life turned to naught, all she saw was black.


(Kinda stereotypical beginning, but I wanted to get the message across. Anyways, tell me what you think, I will be continuing this tomorrow I hope.)

Not bad, I'm looking forward to a bit more. Maybe after your next post we will have a better understanding of what the story will be about.. Good Luck!

Well, I can tell you a few things to work on right from the start

One key thing you missed is the "Show, don't tell" principle. This states that one should always give us an example of a point the writer is trying to get across, rather than just tell us. For example:

"He was clothed normally..."

You tell us he is clothed like a normal person, but it still only gives basic ideas across. One thing a writer should always strive to do is have the audience invision their story. The best way to do this is give the reader details; show us what he is wearing, don't just tell us he is wearing everyday clothing. Make us see his dark cotton slacks, tied at the waist with a brown leather belt. Never leave it up to the reader in the introduction, or really whenever you need to describe a scene. There are some times when it is inappropriate to go into little details like that about what exactly the character looks like, but at the beginning of a scene it can be a good idea. Each scene is its own story, with an exposition to tell us what everything looks like.

Show, don't tell doesn't just go for describing things like clothing either, it can go for general ideas:

"Though the city was surely asleep, in comparison to its daily activity, there were still men and women going about their shady affairs. Some had valiant intentions, meeting with the watch to turn in criminals, while many more had dark intentions such as theft and murder."

Sure, such generic descriptions can set the tone of the introduction, but wouldn't it be so much better to show us individual persons? It takes a bit more, and slows the pace to a crawl, but nothing gets the feel going better.

"A ragged beggar stumbled through the dark streets, the normal citizens looking on with distaste. A shady pickpocket used the distraction to work his trade, freeing an Altmer noble of his coin purse with a practiced slip of the hand. The inattentive guards stood languidly at their posts, missing another criminal in the act. Yes, it was a night like any other in the great capital of the Empire."

Just a thrown together example, but it perfectly exemplefies what I'm talking about. I get what you're trying to do by starting the story off with a generalistic description, but I am a fan of closer detail. It's really just a style thing, but I wanted you to be aware of your options here.

This isn't really a writing thing, but why did he have to kill the girl? Was she his target, or is he just a super-uber-kill-everything-in-sight kind of assassin? It might seem cool now, but it is difficult to write a good story about a really skilled guy. There are certain things to make ubering work, but I prefer not to use it at all.

Other than that it looks good. You've got the writing part down (good sentences and descriptions), now you just need to figure out how to best tell your story It's not really something talent can give you, but a skill born of endless practice and study (reading, writing, and looking at different literary elements and devices).

I see a lot of talent in this story, good work :goodjob: Thanks for writing, and keep it up!