» Tue May 17, 2011 1:52 pm
The opening cutscene begins with Sheogorath's voice, in total darkness:
Sheogorath: Once, I was like you. Honorable. *CoC helping Martin*
Sheogorath: Powerful. *CoC fighting a group of Ogres, Hand to Hand*
Sheogorath: Respected by many. *Adoring Fan staring at camera*
Sheogorath: Feared by all. *Bandits running in terror from CoC*
Sheogorath: People adored me. *Adoring Fan staring at camera, licking lips*
Sheogorath: Children sang songs of me in the streets. *Adoring Fan staring at camera, smiling creepily*
Sheogorath: Women wanted to be with me. *Woman of your CoC's race smiling*
Sheogorath: Men wanted to be me. *Adoring Fan staring at camera, putting on a mask of your CoC's race*
Sheogorath: That all changed, hundreds of years ago... *CoC battling Jyggalag with Staff of Sheogorath in hand*
Sheogorath: Now, I am a mad man, respected by things that would make any go insane *Adoring Fan putting yarn, a soul gem, and lettuce on a shrine*
Sheogorath: I make the shadows of my former self go insane, now... Have fun.
Character creation starts. When any option is pressed, a Cliff Racer screeches. Once finished, all music switches to rap-based Cliff Racer screeches and "By Azura's!" Instead of a Dark Elf, the Adoring Fan is constantly hounding you from the other cell. There is no escape. Three hours into the game, you are given the option of choosing one of three classes: Mage, Thief, or Warrior. Based on which you choose, you get a weapon, instantly.
The weapon can be either a sword, spell, or bow. You can then use said weapon to do one of two things. Either commit suicide, to free yourself from the Adoring Fan's constant heckling, or kill the Adoring Fan. If you choose the former, you start taking damage, but have to win at a dice roll first, based on your luck (you have no luck). When you do take damage, you emit a "By Azura!" That is right, YOU are the Adoring Fan. If you choose the latter, then you lose a weapon, with no way to finish the game. The Adoring Fan will get back up, and keep heckling you.
You are eventually driven mad by this travesty of a game. Bethesda is sued by many families of insanity stricken players, and go out of business. It is then found out that this game was not made by Bethesda, rather, it was all an April Fool's Joke by Activision and EA.
That would be worst case scenario for me.