Hello, for those with a heap of imagination, here is a slightly perverted thread for you, contribute and we will share laughs. :foodndrink:

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/215/4/c/The_Lusty_Argonian_Maid_by_Vaikard.jpg <---- inspiration


[No wanking allowed]

:sadvaultboy:

M'aiq the Liar presents The Lusty Argonian Maid

Act 1

Scene 1

Arvela Sestius: Lifts-Her-Tail! Where are you?

Lifts-Her-Tail: I am here, master.

Arvela Sestius: Take my clothes now. I want them clean by tonight. I'll be having a wonderful time at dinner with the count.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Yes, master. I am just a simple Argonian maid. I'll never get to enjoy nice meals with decent men.

Arvela Sestius: Of course you won't! Now get my clothes clean! Hurry!

Lifts-Her-Tail: Yes, yes, right away!

Arvela exits.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Well, I guess I should bend down and pick all these clothes up off the ground now.

Crantius Colto enters.

Crantius Colto: By Azura, by Azura, by Azura!

Lifts-Her-Tail: Oh! Master Crantius, you surprised me!

Crantius Colto: Did I really?

Lifts-Her-Tail: Yes, you did.

Crantius Colto: What are you doing, young lass?

Lifts-Her-Tail: I am taking out the master's laundry.

Crantius Colto: Well, if you come by my chambers, I might have some dirty laundry for you.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Why sir, there won't be enough time for all that laundry!

Crantius Colto: Oh, we could make time, I'm sure..

Welcome to the forums. I can't believe it took until two days ago for someone to make a Chuck Norris account.

Anyway, this thread should be in the http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/forum/31-elder-scrolls-artwork-and-fan-fiction/, as it has nothing to do with Skyrim.

Scene 2

Arvela Sestius: Lifts-Her-Tail! These clothes are all too small!

Lifts-Her-Tail: I'm sorry, master. Perhaps it's not the clothes that are too small but the body too big.

Arvela Sestius: That's preposterous! Now, get on, you wench, and fix this problem!

Lifts-Her-Tail: I cannot fix the size of your girth, ma'am!

Arvela Sestius: You're making me angry! I can't get flustered before the party. It would not make a good impression on the count.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Yes, master, of course. Why is it so important that you impress the count anyway?

Arvela Sestius: Are you that na?ve, Argonian?

Lifts-Her-Tail: I do not know much. I am but a simple maid, master.

Arvela Sestius: Perhaps if he sees me dressed up so lovely, he'll fall madly in love!

Lifts-Her-Tail: Love, master?

Arvela Sestius: Of course! He would be the perfect man for someone like me! He's rich, handsome, powerful…everything a girl could want!

Lifts-Her-Tail: Well, an admirable Argonian man is one who can pick many locks. Does this count pick locks?

Arvela Sestius: No! That would be silly.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Some Argonian men are good swimmers. How long can the count hold his breath underwater?

Arvela Sestius: I don't know! Enough questions already, Argonian. I need help getting into this dress!

Lifts-Her-Tail: Oh dear. We may need some troll fat to squeeze you out of that one later…

Oh noes! that place is dead, don't be a buzzkill! :frog:

Crantius Colto: I see Arvela is off to dinner with the count and the other nobles.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Yes, she is.

Crantius Colto: That just leaves the two of us…all alone.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Whatever do you mean, sir?

Crantius Colto: Maybe we should get to know each other a little better.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Well, master, I do know many things about you as it is.

Crantius Colto: Ah, but you see, there is so much I do not know about you, Lifts-Her-Tail. Even that, for example! Wherever did you get such a beautiful name?

Lifts-Her-Tail: Well, uh, there is much to do before Master Arvela returns!

Lifts-Her-Tail exits.

Crantius Colto: Wait, Lift's-Her-Tail! You're right. There is much to do before she returns! Come back!

Crantius Colto exits.

Act One, Scene One

The End

I started writing a full-fledged play a long time ago. I doubt I have it anymore.

Maybe it's time to revisit it, Shakespeare style.

But yeah, this should probably go in the Fan Fiction section.

I find this story difficult to mastvrbate to...

hopefully in skyrim, we will see it performed live by NPC actors

Yeah, alright. I think im going to write one

I like what you wrote so far. Keeps with the original very well. Would'nt it be better change it to "Mistress" instead of "Master"?

Nothing to see here. :whistling:

Sure is summer in here.........

Its not me it is M'aiq the liar. lol

to be honest, after reading most of the other post, you have the best sequel here lol
:trophy: let this guy do the Sequel lol

I can't wait to read the entire thing. Good luck, Chuck!



Too late :hubbahubba:

If you take your clothes off, maybe you'll cool down :hubbahubba:

Narrator: Lifts-Her-Tail tumbles to the ground in her attempt to be loyal to her mistress.

Crantus Colto: my dumpling! Are you alright?

Lifts-Her-Tail: Master, what happend?

Crantus Colto: the nine divines protested against you leaving my side!

Narrator: Crantus now holding Lifts-Her-Tail in his arms.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Master! If Mistress Arvela returns and sees us she will cut off my tail!

Crantus Colto: nonsense my love.

Lifts-Her-Tail: She will make me a slave!

Crantus Colto: and Rat Ragu with Powdered Deer Penls!

Crantus Colto: I will not be eluded, i have all of the divines on my side!

Narrator: Crantus Colto Carries Lifs-Her-Tail to bed..

20 minutes later, Mistress Arvela hears noises and walks in, intoxicated on skooma.


Mistress Arvela: w-what..why do you have such a big green..Crantus?? What is that?

Crantus Colto: Why it is a blessing from the gods my love, (Narrator: Crantus, all sweaty while his body's form shifts from convex to concave in a rapid fashion..) jump on it and feel the divinity!

Narrator: Mistress Arvela, being fair and crapulus, loses control and her knees go soft, bending untill she gives in and carries out his request.

Lol should take more time and write something more discrete and Shakespeare-like, but that will take some time, will probably read some during the summer. :bunny:

Hope some people here gives it a shot, always fun to evolve and try new things :frog:

LOL. Keep it up Chuck.

I don't really have anything of value to contribute to your effort. But this book is my favorite in the Elder Scrolls series. I still remember cracking up at Curio's dialog and how this book was just the cherry on top.

My Argonian character in Oblivion keeps a copy beside each of his beds.

The Lusty Sload Maid

A play in three acts by Naughtius Curio

Ngh'lstlkvaktl: I SHALL CLEAN NO SPEARS. SUCH WORK IS BENEATH A MIGHTY NECROMANCER SUCH AS MYSELF.

Niltius Crario: But...

Ngh'lstlkvaktl: SILENCE. I HAVE ENTERED MY REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE. I MUST SPAWN AND YOU SHALL ASSIST ME.

Niltius Crario: By the Nine! Help!

Ngh'lstlkvaktl (its corpulent form oozing over the helpless Niltius): YOU SHALL BE SILENT WILLINGLY OR I SHALL FORCE YOUR SILENCE. I HAVE NOT THE PATIENCE TO MAINTAIN A SPELL OF SILENCE, SO IT WILL BE A SIMPLE MATTER TO MELD THE FLESH OF YOUR MOUTH-HOLE SHUT WITH DESTRUCTIVE MAGIC. THIS PROCESS WILL TAKE SIXTEEN HOURS AND IF YOU MOVE I SHALL BE FORCED TO REMOVE YOUR LIMBS AND WE WILL START OVER AGAIN FROM THE BEGINNING.